I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
