You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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