First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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