Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
