I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
