well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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