She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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