I'm going to jail i love you
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
