Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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