the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
