just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
