Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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