I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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