look no pants
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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