fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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