My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Im part way to drunk.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
