hotel room ftw
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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