I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
