Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
