Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
