If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
