On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize