Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
