is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
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Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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