I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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