You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
