The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
