It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
