there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
