if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
