dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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