I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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