conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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