it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
