Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
