i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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