it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
