my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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