Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
