also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
