I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
