i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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