I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize