Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
