his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
