Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
