What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
