So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
