I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
