She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
