Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How many fucks given?
0.12846
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
