I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
