Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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