so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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