I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
