so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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