final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
