Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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