And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Who died my cat blue again?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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