am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
