I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize