I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize