it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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