I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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