There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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