It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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