Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
