I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
