Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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