"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
