meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
