Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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