did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
