My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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