I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize