A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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