You work out of a Hotel?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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