He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
